Shannon Phillips

5:56 pm:

Sam isn’t home yet, but Robin is sitting on my lap to watch the State of the Union speech webcast from the New York Times. He seemed very interested when I caught a glimpse of the First Lady in the crowd and gasped, “oooh! Is she wearing purple?”

“Ooo!” Robin said.

Then the Congress whoever-he-is-guy announced the arrival of the President’s Cabinet. “Is the hot one, Peter Orzag, there?” I wondered aloud. “Not that we care. He’s a bit of a dog.”

“Woof woof!” said Robin.

Best. Political commentator. Ever!

(Slithery Lizard, by contrast, has gone to sleep. Her commentary is perhaps the most trenchant.)

6:25: I find myself persistently distracted by Joe Biden, over the President’s right shoulder. How does he decide when to nod gravely, when to purse his lips, when to cast his eyes skyward? It must be pretty hard to know you’re on national TV and yet not be able to do anything but vary your facial expression by minute degrees.

Nancy Pelosi, of course, doesn’t have that problem, her face having been frozen into that of an Egyptian death-mask decades ago. And I say this as a person who likes Nancy Pelosi.

6:28: President Obama said “railroads,” more than once! Even so, Robin is bored and wants kiwis.

6:35: Robin is crying (I guess he didn’t want kiwis after all?) but I’m pretty happy with the President’s insistence on pointing out that this broken country is one he inherited. Yet he’s following this with boilerplate jingoism. Yes? Are you going to keep talking about how much Bush sucked or are you going to finally do something about it, Mr. President? Talk about health care, and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. MY TODDLER DEMANDS IT.

6:37: My god, they just booed him for suggesting that climate change exists. Listen, I know there’s maaaayyyybe some slight room for arguing that climate change is or is not man-caused. But that it exists? Only utter morons—and apparently Republican Congresscritters—are willing to stake out that position. I can’t frickin’ believe that our nation has come to this.

6:49: The pizza came (yyyeaaahhh, I’ve already broken the meal plan I drew up just a few hours ago), and the elevator is still broken, so we had to walk down and get it. Apparently Obama is talking about health care now? And again he’s underlining that it’s really Bush’s fault. That’s all very well, but you still have to pass health care reform, you know that right?

I dunno, maybe I missed it because I was stuffing my mouth with pizza, but I don’t get that he knows it.

6:54: Sam is home now and adding his own translation. President Obama: the deficit was blah blah blah when I took office. Sam: “‘When I took office’ means ‘when Jackass left’.” President Obama: bipartisan commission on deficit shot down by Congress, therefore I’ll do it by executive order. Sam: “I can do this committee thing that nobody likes by executive order, but ask me about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and I’m suddenly powerless.”

7:03: Invoking the Republicans’ conscience. Good luck with that.

7:06: Al-Qaeda spiders? Dear God no!

7:07: Complete withdrawal from Iraq by August? Really? I don’t believe it. I just don’t. Talk’s cheap, Mr. President, and you’ve promised a lot. I’m judging you by your accomplishments instead.

7:13: This year, he says, for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. “This year.” Again—I’m gonna believe it when I see it.

7:16: “No wonder there’s so much disappointment.” Ya think? Pass the frickin’ health care bill. Close Gitmo. End Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Until you do the things you promised to do, Mr. President, I am no longer impressed by speeches.

7:20 Blah blah god bless america blah blah blah.