How I’ll Make My Million
I’m shocked and dismayed by the lack of luxury spa/birthing center combinations. Even here in the Dionysian Bay Area, there doesn’t seem to be any sort of a place where expectant mothers can go to get cucumbers put on their eyes, have an aromatherapy treatment and a hot stone massage, deliver their babies, get a pedicure… Instead, most babies are born in hospitals. How pedestrian!
When I open Marin’s first high-class, exorbitantly priced “Empress of Heaven Birthing Retreat & Resort”, I’ll feature top-notch masseuses, an array of doulas, a harpist, several hairdressers and makeup artists, yoga instructors, guided meditation gurus, a chef specializing in high-energy small plates, and some nurse midwives. There will be little burbling fountains and Zen gardens for women in early labor to stroll through, mosaic-lined birthing pools featuring jacuzzi jets, labor rooms outfitted with softly-scented candles and fluffy down pillows. There will also be an anesthesiologist. We’ll make money in buckets.
Unfortunately, it looks like I’ll be delivering Baby in a hospital, probably California Pacific Medical Center. No cucumbers for me!