Things That Annoy Me, A Continuing Series: Bad Food Photography

I have these Facebook friends* who insist on taking cellphone snapshots of their food and then labeling it #foodporn. Which would be fine—I love food porn, and I’m actually quite interested in what my friends happen to be eating for lunch. I’m not one of those people who rolls their eyes about social media posts revolving around breakfast. BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY! Except maybe for second breakfast, and elevenses, and lunch, and…really, tell me what you’re eating, I want to know!

But I don’t want to have to look at your crappy cellphone photos of it. Because invariably, that picture tagged “#foodporn”? It’s a plate of food, not quite in focus, the colors washed out to a rubbery grey, and a horrible glistening sheen cast over everything that makes it look like a washed-up pile of jellyfish left in the sun for three days and picked over by gulls. Your kale salads, your wild boar ragu, your foie gras walnut brioche: it all looks like the refuse of seagulls.

Food photography is hard, you guys. It takes good lighting, a decent camera, and skill. (It also annoys me when people argue about which cellphone takes the best pictures. You know what takes good pictures? A camera.)

Look, even Martha Stewart can’t make her cellphone food pictures look appetizing. You can’t either. Get a real camera and some direct lighting or just tell us about the amazing Monte Cristo you had this afternoon at that little place in Belden alley. Sometimes a hundred words are much, much better than a picture.

*(I’m not talking about you, Todd. You’re not “a Facebook friend,” you’re an ACTUAL friend. And you only did this once. At which point you were immediately treated to a personal performance of this rant. So, not talking about you!)

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