Things That Annoy Me, A Continuing Series: Automated Teller Machines

When I was younger, under a different name, I published an obscenity-laced tirade against Andrew Jackson that I am not going to link to from here, because it was egregiously profane. But for the record, my stance on Andrew Jackson hasn’t changed. He was a traitor to our country and a genocidal killer, and the fact that he’s still—to this day!—held up as some kind of American hero is both utterly baffling and deeply, deeply offensive to me.

Don’t talk to me about the Battle of New Orleans or paying off the national debt or whatever. Don’t even start. I’m sure Hitler was nice to puppies. Jackson defied the Supreme Court’s edict requiring him to abide by the treaties the United States had made with the Indian nations, and unlawfully forced tens of thousands of people on the death march we call the Trail of Tears. Among the Cherokee alone 15,000 were forced to march, and 4,000 died—more than one in four, many of them children. For this genocidal act Jackson takes his place among history’s greatest monsters. He betrayed our Constitution and murdered thousands of innocent people. He was not a President but a dictator.

And we have this monster on our money.

This really shouldn’t be in the “annoyances” category. What Andrew Jackson inspires in me is more accurately described as “rage.” Seriously, don’t talk to me about Andrew Jackson, I start yelling and spitting. I can barely go to the ATM because they always give you twenties. Okay, that’s an annoyance—the ATM thing. I’m going to change the title of this post from “Things That Annoy Me: Andrew Jackson” to “Things that Annoy Me: Automated Teller Machines,” and then everybody will be completely baffled until they get to the last sentence.

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