{"id":4,"date":"2007-01-04T11:26:21","date_gmt":"2007-01-04T19:26:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/?p=4"},"modified":"2007-01-04T11:27:15","modified_gmt":"2007-01-04T19:27:15","slug":"how-ill-make-my-million","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/?p=4","title":{"rendered":"How I&#8217;ll Make My Million"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m shocked and dismayed by the lack of luxury spa\/birthing center combinations.  Even here in the Dionysian Bay Area, there doesn&#8217;t seem to be any sort of a place where expectant mothers can go to get cucumbers put on their eyes, have an aromatherapy treatment and a hot stone massage, deliver their babies, get a pedicure\u2026  Instead, most babies are born in <em>hospitals<\/em>.  How pedestrian!<\/p>\n<p>When I open Marin&#8217;s first high-class, exorbitantly priced &#8220;Empress of Heaven Birthing Retreat &#038; Resort&#8221;, I&#8217;ll feature top-notch masseuses, an array of doulas, a harpist, several hairdressers and makeup artists, yoga instructors, guided meditation gurus, a chef specializing in high-energy small plates, and some nurse midwives.  There will be little burbling fountains and Zen gardens for women in early labor to stroll through, mosaic-lined birthing pools featuring jacuzzi jets, labor rooms outfitted with softly-scented candles and fluffy down pillows.   There will also be an anesthesiologist.  We&#8217;ll make money in <em>buckets<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, it looks like I&#8217;ll be delivering Baby in a hospital, probably <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cpmc.org\/\">California Pacific Medical Center<\/a>.  No cucumbers for me!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m shocked and dismayed by the lack of luxury spa\/birthing center combinations. Even here in the Dionysian Bay Area, there doesn&#8217;t seem to be any sort of a place where expectant mothers can go to get cucumbers put on their eyes, have an aromatherapy treatment and a hot stone massage, deliver their babies, get a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}