So, this is going to be another one of those not-all-sunshine-and-roses posts.<\/p>\n
It’s true that caring for the baby has mostly gotten easier, that we’ve found a workable routine, that his smiles in the morning are pretty much the best thing ever.\u00a0 Some days, most days, I feel incredibly lucky to have my life.<\/p>\n
Other days I feel so pathetically sorry for myself.\u00a0 Tired, isolated, incredibly irritable, yearning for adult interaction or maybe just something to punch.\u00a0 I feel jealous of Sam for sleeping through the night, for working with grown-ups who use language, and for getting an hour to himself on the train every morning and evening.\u00a0 Some part of my brain knows that going to work and having a long commute are not really things to be envied, but when I’m sunk in self-pity it’s awfully hard to hold that in mind.\u00a0 I’m having a hard time feeling the partnership right now: Sam kind of blindsided me with something bad the other day, and despite his demonstrations of love and best efforts to make it right, I’m still feeling very fragile and mistrustful.\u00a0 But at the same time I’m disgusted with myself for playing the suspicious, bitter, nagging, resentful wife.<\/p>\n
I feel like there’s something I need, but I don’t know what it is or how to get it.<\/p>\n
I’m not looking for advice or pity.\u00a0 In fact in my state of mind right now I’d bridle at either.\u00a0 I love my baby, I love my husband, I’m very happy most of the time: I’m only posting this because I kind of promised myself I’d be honest about recording my experience, and it’s been a pretty tough week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So, this is going to be another one of those not-all-sunshine-and-roses posts. It’s true that caring for the baby has mostly gotten easier, that we’ve found a workable routine, that his smiles in the morning are pretty much the best thing ever.\u00a0 Some days, most days, I feel incredibly lucky to have my life. Other […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=103"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/shannon.users.sonic.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}